“He is cheating on me,” shared my friend over a drink the other day.
I was shocked. I have known my friend for many years and I knew that she was having some problems in her marriage (who doesn’t?), but I never thought it would come to this.
And then I did something I now regret – I probably gave her the worst advice ever. I said to her, “Leave him.”
Don’t think there’s anything wrong with my advice?
Well… let’s just say by fate I came across a video that really opened my own eyes on the subject of affairs and infidelity.
I just kept thinking about her situation for days… I couldn’t let it go. It bothered me.
I thought about my own marriage and what the best thing to do would be if I was faced in that situation, if my husband had an affair… I also wondered, “How do you help a friend that is going through something like this? What do you say?”
So many thoughts were running through my mind.
But then, just by chance, I stumbled on the video below, and I really love how it opened my eyes.
The video is of Esther Perel, the “it” relationship therapist at the moment. Esther has had a couple of Ted Talks which have now garnered almost 10 million views. In her practice and writing, Esther helps loving couples navigate between the comfort of happy relationships and the thrilling uncertainty of sexual attraction
So back to the video – it didn’t answer a lot of my questions on affairs, but what it did, was make me think about new (and better) questions. As painful as affairs are, I started to look at infidelity not as the end of a relationship that needs closure, but as a breaking point that can lead to new beginnings. Most importantly with your own self, and then with your partner.
Now I believe relationships can actually survive and surpass an affair.
This is a video everyone should watch, regardless of whether you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, if you’re about to start a new relationship, or if you’re single and thinking about a relationship. I can promise you either way, it will help you understand what it takes to create a new and empowering relationship.
Do you think affairs are the end of a relationship? Share your thoughts with us below.